Mr. Dirks was a glutten for punishement from birth.  In my opinion, God decided that Mr. Dirks would be his one "joke" creation, and boy did he succeed.

 

Mr. Dirks was a 289 lb, 58-year-old man who was deaf in one ear, and hard of hearing out the other.  His greasy hair was brushed backward from his "munster-like" widows peak as he squinted through his TV-screen-thick glasses in efforts to read the class roll.  He was unable to smell his own pungent body odor for he had lost his sence of smell in a fall during childhood. 

 

He would start the morning class of by reading the roll which no one could hear over the laughter of the students collectively snickering at Mr. Dirks high-piched lisp.  If this weren't bad enough Mr. Dirks also suffered from mild epileptic seisures - a problem that has lessened due to medications. .  .  .  .  .  (rest of story inside!  Snoop around!)